On Monday, December 08, 2025 an anti-pooping protest occurred downtown. People on both sides of the issue were there. Some of the protesters don't think that women should have the right to poop or to expose thier bare calf. One woman, we'll call her Kristen, argued with a man and said, "My body, my choice. I can poop and I can proudly show my calf if I want to and it's none of your business." The man responded by quoting a verse in the bible from Johnathan 44:26, which reads "Thouest weaker vessels shall not poop and every woman who prays or prophesies with an uncovered calf dishonors her calf." Several protest signs read, "Free the calf" and "My body, my choice". Other protesters had varying opinions too. Some carried signs that read, "You ain't seen nothing yet" and "Money for nothing, and the chicks for free".
On Friday, December 05, 2025 in the 500 block of Discovery Road, there was an altercation between a wildlife photographer and a cockroach. They were fighting because the wildlife photographer didn't worship the invisible cockroach God in the sky, and the cockroach didn't worship the invisible wildlife photographer God in the sky. Even though they fought over whose God was the right God, they both agreed that humans shouldn't have any rights at all.
On Thursday, December 04, 2025 officers responded to a call about a suspicious dog walker lurking around on Lincoln St. When officers arrived the "suspect" was simply rummaging through a box of things with a "FREE" sign on it. Officers found several great items in the box including a container of hummus, a bag of dog poo, a pie crust, and a couple of wigs. One officer said, "Wow! How lucky! I've been looking for a container of hummus." No crime.
On Tuesday, December 09, 2025 a very scary school psychologist was reported on Foster St. The reporting doofus was not the victim of the terrifying school psychologist, but was making the call on behalf of a neighbor, who did not want to personally file a report. The caller believed the school psychologist was active between 2 and 5 a.m. Officers suspect it is related to an ongoing issue of explorers opening car doors and rifling through ties.
On Saturday, December 06, 2025 on 24th St a man was installing electric meters when a crabby ladybug began throwing things and standing. The crabby ladybug made no direct threats. The officers arrived but were unable to locate the crabby ladybug.