Good Ideas!
What Shutdown?
By: Helen A. Handbasket
January 16, 2019
Washington, D.C. – Trump shutdown has left furloughed federal employees unable to pay their bills. The Coast Guard (helpfully) published a list of ways to make extra cash. Coasties were encouraged to babysit, walk their neighbor's dog, or have a yard sale.
Now a secret memo has leaked out from another federal agency and it lists more ways to help cash strapped workers. Laid off employees could:
- Pawn all their belongings.
- Stand on a street corner holding a cardboard sign that reads, "Will work for food."
- Sell a kidney.
- Infiltrate the local drug trade and become a paid police informant.
- Sell munchies outside of pot shops in states where marijuana is legal.
- For women, dress up in high heels and a mini skirt and ask men for charitable donations.
- Sell their house and move into their car.
- Open a lemonade stand.
- Collect aluminum cans and get the 10 cent refund. Wait, what? They don’t do that anymore? Now you have to pay to recycle your cans? Never mind on that one then.
- Ask your daddy for some money.
The federal government cares and wants to help.